I know, I know. Today is not July 4th.
And I am not here to commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence of the USA signed in 1776, Thomas Jefferson and bla bla bla...
I'd like to write about independence, since it has been one of the subjects of my reflections for the latest weeks.
I happen to be surronded by girls who claim their own independence. I keep reading blogs and status about how independent these girls are and how able they are in keeping their own existences under sharp control. Every girl I know wants to prove she has her whole life in her hands. They know what they want. They know who they want to be with. What they want to do or not to do. They know who they want to be. They have complete power over themselves.
And I like it. I admire them. Listen to them. I am completely fascinated by them.
But of course it is not that easy. After showing my complete admiration and respect, reflection time comes. What the hell they mean by independence? What is independence?
The Question I have been asking myself is:
Am I independent?
"The answer is still no! Absolutely and unequivocally, no!" (only a few will recognize the quotation-respect for all of them!).
I am not independent at all. I live with my parents and, although I keep telling myself that soon I will be long gone in my own new house in a wonderful city (London/Berlin/Paris/NewYork) and that probably I will become a powerful and independent business woman, deep down I know the bitter plain truth. I am going to stay here for a long time. And, I mean, my parents and my cat are great.
But does a place I can really call mine exist?
But let's not talk about houses and properties. These are dark times and independence must be seen as a far deeper state of mind. Something connected with our personality and our relations. Okay. Then the question is:
Am I independent from all the people I care or do not care?
How much do they affect my decisions, my habits and my mood?
Do I have my whole life in my hands and know exactly where I want to go?
Guess what Laura, the answer is still no.
I don't have the faintest idea about who I am and who I want to be.
The people I love and care about really affect me and my decisions.
I usually let them define me and explain myself to me. Those who are around me affect me and my first care is not to disappoint or upset them.
Does independence mean being selfish?
Do you need to be more selfish and self focused in order to be able to call youself an independent woman?
I wish I was more selfish. And more confident.
Because the only thing I really know is that I envy all those people who finally feel confident and able to do everything in their own way, without wanting help or advice from others.
But I also think that independence is like freedom: it depends on balance.
As much as I hate human beings and prefer animals, I have to accept the fact that everyone needs other people in order to be independently happy.
Is it enough to call yourself independent in order to be truly independent?
Just something to think about before another sleepless night.